Because I Care About You

One thing that I hate about conversing with a family member is that, throughout the entire conversation, they could tell you really shitty things about you just to dump out their own bitterness toward the world, and they could justify themselves by saying “I say this because I care about you."

For example, they could call you an idiot (and many variations of it). But if you give them a clear hint that you disagree and are not happy with their statements, they’d tell you “I said this because you’re my relative and I care about you.”

Sometimes they’d use the maids or drivers as an example to make their point. “You see, I wouldn’t call the maids an idiot. Why? Because they’re not my relatives. I don’t care about them.”

“Everything I told you today is well-meant,” they’d continue.

First, that made me want to switch place with the maid. Second, that made me try to think of what good intention could there be behind discouraging someone and calling her an idiot. The only thing I could come up with was that they don’t want me to have a skewed sense of self so that I won’t be disappointed when I find out for myself that I really am an idiot.

If that's the case, I wonder if it’s actually better for them to show their love by letting the idiot continue to have an inflated sense of self and cheer her up if she does get disappointed. After all, who knows that I’m not in fact an idiot? Maybe I'm a notch above idiot - a moron? You never know.

One day they would probably ask me to eat fresh turd, and say “I want you to know that life is full of shit. I want you to take it now so that one day when you actually have to take some shit you’ll know how it tastes like and won’t be disappointed.”

And of course, “I do this because I care about you.”